Alexandra Giroux

Mmm… Let’s take your diary. Vacations begin on 16 April. And what a pity, you have a real lack of imagination. What will you do for two weeks? Thanks to L’Anglomane, you just have to “copy and paste” some of the following brilliant ideas! First week, you can study. Then, just relax! Now, that’s original, isn’t it?

Monday 25 April: You have finished reading your favourite magazine in English? Don’t worry! There are a lot of publications in Nancy 2. You can find them in the library, in the Ofup displays or on Internet. Let’s have a look at VHSzine, Face à fac or Fistafac. (I’m sure you know how to use Google.)

Tuesday 26 April: Let’s buy some vegetables in the Faubourg des trois maisons. Then, just walk up to rue de Fontenoy. You will discover the Fanzinothèque. It is a place where you can find the independent press. People who are interested in cinema, nature, politics or what ever can read magazines in this place or even borrow them.

Wednesday 27 April: Are you a little hungry for culture? Today, let’s go to the Mediathèque, which is open from 10:00 a.m. to 18:00 p.m. On the first floor, improve you English by reading some English-language newspapers. On the second floor, tell your little sister that she can stay here and discover the “Rouergue” collection. On the third floor, let’s make new friends in the “Work place”. On the fourth floor, borrow the book Ten Little Niggers by Agatha Christie (in English of course) and the CD “Hommage à Jeanne Moreau” with Holden, Lilicub and others singing famous themes from the actress’s films.

Thursday 28 April: The Océanautes swimming-pool is open from 16:00 p.m. to 17:00 p.m. for free. You just have to cross the road if you are on the campus. You can loose about 500 calories. Get them back again by visiting Place Stanislas and buying an ice-cream (some tastes such as tomato-basilica are very fashionable!) Is that not enough? “Le bouche à oreille” on rue des Carmes is a restaurant specialised in cheese. Bonus: there are spoons pasted on the ceiling.

Friday 29 April: You probably know that it is very obsolete to go out on Saturday night. Friday is the greatest day to have fun in Le Caveau. What is it? A place under Brasserie St Epvre where you can join me and dance salsa. If you are a girl, it is very easy even if you are not a great dancer. Just choose a good partner. But if you are a boy, it is a bit harder to impress people if you are as graceful as an elephant.

Saturday 30 April: You are tired and stiff. Stay in bed and turn on the radio. France Inter proposes “La prochaine fois je vous le chanterai” from 10:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. and “Vous écoutez la télé” with Marc-Olivier Fogiel from 11:00 a.m. to 12:00 a.m.

Sunday 1 May: Try to avoid people selling lily of the valley and go to Haut du Lièvre. In the morning, there is a great market where you can buy clothes for 1€, exotic fruits and Arabic specialities. It is a great opportunity to find some vitamins for Monday. Why? You need energy for confronting a new day in Nancy 2.

The holidays are soon. You we will probably meet some new people. You may have a good time with them. And afterwards, you’ll separate and everyone will go his own way. Some would probably like to keep in touch. There are many ways of doing that.
Remember your first holiday camp. You were so sad when you left Sandy, your best friend of two weeks. You exchanged addresses and promised to write one letter a week. Of course it did not work out to be more than once month. And not for very long, either.
When you went on vacation for the second time, it was with Auntie Jacqueline and Uncle Jean-Michel. You met Marie and as she was very with-it, she gave you her e-mail. But you did not have internet yet and so you got no news from this arty girl.
During summer 1996, you were moving on down to the sounds of Macarena as a result of which moves you met Aurélien Machado, a very nice guy. As you were elected Miss camping, he found you very interesting. On the last night, you gave him your phone number, but – no luck – Aurélien was no better than any of the others at keeping in touch. It seems that he did not have enough money to call you.
All these experiences are somewhat trying. Do not make the same mistake this summer. Create your own blog and say to your friends-to-be “Hey! Come and visit my blog when you get back home! I’ll put our photos on it!” Thanks to Internet, it is now easy to make your holidays go on for longer and longer!. For more information about blogging, please refer to L’Anglomane vol. 3 no. 5. And if you are curious, you can visit my personal blog.

What did you get up to last weekend? You were at the Circus? Oh dear, how passé! Do you want to know what is really fashionable just now? Just look at the new pop stars on TV. They all have Peruvian hats. Listen to Jeannie Longo on Saturday morning on France Inter: she advises you to get close to nature. So, what are you waiting for?
Personally, I am very lucky because I have two friends who are helping me to become fashionable. Matthias and Sigisbert are two cute boys who also happen to be hunters. As I did not know anything about the hunting world, I decided to follow them into the forest. They taught me that hunting is not a very cruel thing done by people who enjoy being nasty to nice animals. Hunting is necessary to keep well-balanced ecosystem since there are no big predators anymore.
“Don’t forget to wear two pairs of trousers” Matthias had advised me. Two pairs of trousers? “And a big coat.” Ok, it is not very sexy but , I don’t  suppose the roe deer mind much. It turned out Matthias was quite right because it was very cold. But it was not a problem because the other hunters were very warm. One of them even gave me a “Mon chéri”. So I find myself obliged to confirm the rumour that hunters consume alcohol while seeking their prey. A bit like the rest of us, really.
Then we left. Some of the people went on battue, others were positioned. As I was very cold, I chose the first option. We walked in line in the forest and we had to yell. I am a little bit shy and I did not dare shout “Oh!” and “Ah!” I am sure that hunting is a good way of helping people who have difficulties expressing themselves! It was all was very beautiful. Have you ever seen a frozen cobweb? The sun among the trees? A mushroom exploding into a cloud of spores? The beauty of nature does us town-dwellers a lot of good.
Suddenly, “Bang!” Is a roe deer dead? It’s easy to know since hunters use horns to communicate. Two blasts means that the animal is dead. There they are, the two blasts, so it seems that Bambi came in second best this time. We went on the place where the roe deer was. The men opened its body. I thought that it would be disgusting but in fact, it wasn’t that bad.
Afterwards, it was time to eat. We were all happy because hunting and running is exhausting: we were also obliged to eat a lot of bread and cake in order to take energy. When you go to bed in the evening, I can assure you that you know you were not just playing at being the hunter.
It was great going in the forest with my two friends in order to discover things I did not know. I learnt a lot, and if you want to go out to the plateau of Malzéville with me, I will try to tell you the names of the all the trees.

Gucci? Too expensive. Pimkie? Too horrible. Mango? Too far out. Do not worry, there is a solution to solve your existential problems. If you want to have a nice look which suits you, why not customising your clothes? The sewing box is not only the property of Granny Louise. So, prepare your pins, your tape measure, your thimble, your thread and enjoy making wonderful clothes. Don’t worry: you do not have to be as gifted as the dressmaker in Cinderella. Customisation does not require you to be a sewing expert. I propose to give you some ideas to begin with. And then, power to the imagination!

What can I do with a classic top?
Take a tape and sew it on the front or in the back just like a corset.
Some felt pieces can be fun: multicolour circles, triangles and squares bring joy to a black top.
Sew some lace near the neck and the sleeves.
Make some bobbles with pieces of wool.

How can I recycle an old pair of jeans?
Cut the bottom off the jeans and sew the pieces together in order to realize a skirt. You can add some more cloth if the jeans are too small.
Make a bag with it, using a leg for the shoulder strap.
Sew some beads onto the pockets.
Embroider some funny motifs on the trousers. Cross stitch is also fashionable if the picture is not too passé.

My shoes are so sad. What can I do?
Use an indelible pencil to write your favourite text on the fabric.
Change the shoelaces and use different colours for each foot.
Use dye to give to your shoes new life.
Sew on some pearls and imagine different motifs.

Of course these are just some ideas. What you create is what you are. As my aunt use to say, Each to his own! But please, just one thing: do not draw an anarchic sign on your Eastpack with your tip-ex.

I have not changed my mind: I am still disappointed with my English classes. So, in order to improve my knowledge, I have got into the habit of reading books in English. And I have some good news for you: the last book I read was very interesting.

Do you know Betty Dodson? She has a Ph.D, is an artist, an author and also a sex educator. She wrote Sex for One in 1986, a book that deals with masturbation. It includes her own illustrations, some of which are rather more graphic than the one I chose for the sensitive readers of the Anglomane. This book is a cross between a personal narrative about the pitfalls of romantic love versus erotic sex and an impassioned defence of masturbation. In it’s time, it was something of a feminist bestseller.

Betty Dodson explains that a lot of women feel bad because they think they are ugly and unable to have pleasure when they make love. Where does the problem come from? According to Betty Dodson, the first step is becoming “cunt positive”. A lot of women are afraid to masturbate or to “receive a present from their close friend” because they think their vulva is not beautiful. The book contains some pictures that show that all figures exist in nature. So, don’t worry if your lips are big, many people really like it.

Betty Dodson loves men and woman. She thinks that we do not have to say “love is intercourse”. She advises women to use a dildo so that they will know themselves better. Another good reason to masturbate: it is safe sex! And no, it does not lead to blindness or to deafness.

Some people will probably say that masturbation leads us to individualism. That is not necessarily true. Masturbation can be practiced in couples, as a funny game. Of course, for a lot a people, it is a taboo topic. Apparently, in some girls’ boarding schools, the matron made the girls go to sleep with their hands outside the covers!